It's Time for College Football
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It's Time for College Football
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Brendan Fitzgibbons
BF077 months ago

It's Time for College Football

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It's Time for College Football
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IT’S A COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW!

IT’S A COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW!
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Alabama-Clemson

Monday Jan. 9, 8:00 ET on ESPN

Raymond James Stadium

The grueling college football season comes to a climatic finish on Monday January 9 in the College Football Championship game that features a rematch of last year’s title game, Alabama vs. Clemson. And like most sequels (except the “Dark Knight,” “Back to the Future 2,” and the Mach 5 razor) expect this game to be a slowly deflating letdown, like a beanbag chair you’ve been sitting in for too long and now you can’t see out of it.

At 14-0, this year’s Crimson Tide might be Nick Saban’s best team, to the point where many are wondering if Alabama will ever lose again and is Forrest Gump still on the team? The answer is most likely ‘no’ and ‘no, he had to go to Vietnam for Jenny.’ Alabama’s defense is flat out nasty and not in an I-got-sick-on-a-whale-watching-tour-in-Mexico kind of way. They lead the country in total, rushing and scoring defense, and their offense packs a steady, methodical punch lead by quarterback Jalen Hurts and running backs Damien Harris and Bo Scarbrough.

And if we’ve learned anything these last 10 years, other than America is very confused, it’s never ever bet against Nick Saban. Since joining the Tide in 2007, the coach is a staggering 106-12, and with a win on Monday, it’d be his FIFTH National Championship with the team. Saban wins so much that he could walk into any retirement home at any point and would immediately get Bingo.

For Clemson to have any chance to even come close to their 45-40 defeat in last year’s title game, quarterback and two-time Heisman finalist, Deshaun Watson has to have the game of his life. For 48 straight minutes, Watson basically has to play like how Beyoncé sings all the time. If that happens, expect a huge game from standout wide out Mike Williams and running back Wayne Gallman.

I would give Clemson more of a shot if their coach wasn’t named Dabo Swinney and he didn’t look like a skinny Bradley Cooper. The good news for college football fans is that the contest does come with a swarm of hype, as tickets for the game are the most in demand in the history of the CFP. So who knows what’s going to happen? But one thing is for certain Dabo is still going to be Dabo. 

College Football’s Revolving Door

Here’s a look at some of the biggest head coaching changes this off-season.

Following the conclusion of every college football season, head coaches are fired and hired faster than Hillary Clinton disappeared in the woods. And the 2016-17-college football season is no different with teams like Baylor, Oregon, Purdue, and Texas all making dramatic changes to their coaching staffs.

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One of the most significant shakeups occurred earlier this year when LSU parted ways with head coach and possible G.I. Joe, Les Miles. The star coach has been linked to taking over the vacant position at the University of South Florida, while former defensive line coach Ed Orgeron has filled Miles’ position.

Other major changes include Temple coach Matt Rhule leaving to take over the reins at Baylor University following Art Briles’ dishonorable exit. Rising star and former Houston coach Tom Herman, was hired after Texas ousted Charlie Strong. The moves make it pretty ironic that one of Texas’ slogans is “don’t mess with Texas,” because after all these elaborate coaching changes Texas seems to have no problem messing with itself.

With the firing of Mark Helfrich, Oregon has now changed coaches as much as jerseys. Let’s just hope their new head coach isn’t anything like their signature threads, a duck covered in highlighter. 

College Football’s Revolving Door

Purdue let go of Darrell Hazell and hired Jeff Brohm and Indiana stayed true to their commitment to only hire guys with the whitest sounding names by going from Kevin Wilson to Tom Allen. Wow! Two coaches, four white guy first names! Look for Indiana to play most of their games at Cracker Barrel.

College Football’s Revolving Door

The biggest question mark that remains this offseason is what’s going to happen with Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly. Following their season-ending epic beat down against Southern Cal, there was speculation and reports that Kelly was pursuing other coaching options through his agents. But the head coach then Tweeted (which we all know now because of Trump, is the only way to conduct official business), that he is in fact committed to Notre Dame.

But adding more tarnish to the mystique of the Golden Dome, a group of students and alumni recently took out a full-page ad in the Observer calling for Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick’s resignation over his continued support for Kelly. Either way, it looks like the only way Notre Dame fans are going to be experience any sustained glory in the near future, is to just watch Rudy on repeat and try not to remember that Notre Dame is located in Indiana. 

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BF07
Comedian, actor, writer. Has written for the Onion, McSweeney's, Comedy Central, Huffington Post, Rolling Stone. Always knows where Dave Matthews is.
You've read the story folder
Story cover
written by
Writer avatar
BF07
Comedian, actor, writer. Has written for the Onion, McSweeney's, Comedy Central, Huffington Post, Rolling Stone. Always knows where Dave Matthews is.