If Today is the Day It All Changes

If today changes everything, I’ll be sad. I’ll be furious. I’ll be determined. If today changes everything, I won’t need to read the #Psalms anymore, I’ll be screaming my own.

And if it doesn’t. If somehow I walk out the doors of the #CancerCenter, bruised from the experience, but assured that cancer won’t be taking my life anytime soon… thens till, doesn’t everything change? Do I get to just walk out the door and pretend it never happened. That the other people in the waiting room don’t exist? That cancer isn’t lurking in every corner, everywhere all the time, trying to steal and destroy? That #mothers with children as precious as mine aren’t poisoning themselves with #chemotherapy as I write and breathe and play? That husbands no longer have the luxury of #denial? That grandparents aren’t just grandparents anymore, but surrogate moms and dads? I can’t pretend it’s not happening because it might, it could still, it almost… happened to me. 

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