Birds Have Officially Learned How To Use Fire For Evil
The world has a new national emergency on its hands. The birds have learned how to weaponize fire for their own selfish needs.
This phenomenon first discovered when several Australian raptors were witnessed purposely spreading fire from one place to another.
On one occasion, a fire was almost put out on one side of a highway when a raptor swept down and picked up a burning twig and transported it to the other side of the highway where it set it down and allowed the fire to continue from there.
Per a predominant scientist in the area, this is only one of at least seven instances of this peculiar behavior that has seen in recent months.
He believes that the birds are intentionally spreading fires so that they can flush delicious prey including lizards, insects and small birds, out of the area for their tasting pleasure.
The epidemic seems to be spreading as this behavior has been spotted on four continents, leading to the idea that birds around the world are getting increasingly smarter.
The birds in question include several species of raptor including the whistling kite, black kite, and the brown falcon.
As if we didn’t have enough to be fearful of on a daily basis, now we have fire-throwing birds to contend with.
We’ve seen this story before. First, the birds are just flying around while minding their own business, then they learn how to use fire. After they have mastered that, it won’t be long until they learn how to build their own governments and create bigger, stronger weapons.
They accomplish all that and the human race might as well call it quits. After all, how could we fight it? Sure, Trump can try and direct some tweets at them, but that’s not the same kind of tweet that the birds are familiar with. They’ll just ignore him and continue with their destruction of humanity.
The next step would be for Trump to come up with new legislation to try and keep the bird threat contained, but the Democrats will just fight these measures, stating that the fire-throwing birds deserve the same way of life as us non-birds.
Even if we do decide that fire-wielding birds are evil and that we should be against them, a federal judge will just overturn the decision.
It’s a downward spiral that will surely result in the end of the world as we know it.
One can only hope that the bird revolution ends before it goes too far.