You’re in the grocery store and bump into a super cute guy in the produce aisle. Or perhaps you’re at a club with friends and lock eyes with someone across the room. Or maybe you strike up an amazing conversation with a boy at the gym. You want to ask him out on a date, but you wonder if it’s appropriate. Is it OK for girls to flip the status quo and ask a guy out on a date? The answer is a resounding yes! And here’s why:
1. You’ll demonstrate self-confidence and assertiveness
By asking a guy out, you show you are self-confident and assertive, both qualities that are generally seen as healthy and attractive. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., is a Los Angeles-based psychologist, whose specialties include relationships. She shared with me, “For a guy to be asked out by a girl, he doesn't have to wonder if she's interested in him and his fear of rejection can be significantly decreased. As a result, he might feel more secure and comfortable in showing interest back to her and accepting her offer if he is interested in her. In addition, when a girl takes the initiative to ask a guy out, the girl is deliberately selecting someone that she knows she wants to go on a date with, rather than just being passive and hoping someone she likes will ask her out.”
2. It increases the odds of Mr. Right
If you choose to ask the guy out, it’s because you are interested in that person specifically. You’re drawn to him for a reason, and when you ask, it allows you to take control. Paul DePompo, Pay.D., a board certified clinical psychologist, author and speaker who specializes in relationships, revealed to me that when you have control and ask a guy out, you are also taking control over what you are looking for and making it happen. That’s much better than the alternative. “Often the kind of guys that is right for you is not the guy that swoops in and charmingly sweeps you off your feet. Too often than not—that is a narcissist and we all know how that ends ... with a crash!”
3. It strengthens your confidence
Let’s face it, we all need a healthy dose of self-confidence. What better way than by going after what you want—whether it be a raise at your job or asking a guy out! DePompo continued, “Being the ‘initiator’ shows confidence. It takes MORE strength to be the initiator. This is an active role. Being pursued is a passive role. Society still pulls for women believing this is healthy—but it's not—it's just playing into a role.”
4. It fosters a true partnership
It’s rare for people today to be encouraged by the relationship their parents had. Perhaps they fought a lot, got divorced, or stayed married long after they should have. This means we have to do something different if we want a different result. DePompo reveals, “Fostering a true partnership means breaking out of roles and being equals. Not in a rigid way, but in a loving flexible way. Men want to be pursued as well and feel they are a ‘good catch’ as well. Starting a relationship off with this reciprocity can have to stand apart from the rest—no games, just being authentic you.”
5. It might make you happier
It sucks to be rejected. It really does. That’s why so many guys just won’t do the asking. Women can be intimidating to strangers. CJ, CEO of LOV Inc, revealed to me, “If more women made the first move they would be happier. It would propel ladies into a plethora of new experiences. Women have nothing to fear, most men are nice. They will let you down easy if they have to let you down at all. When asked, most men prefer the woman to lead in the initial meeting. Smile and go after what you want in life.”
6. It gives you control
Asking a guy out can be empowering because it allows you to have more choice and control in the dating arena. Jonathan Bennett, dating and relationship coach, founder of The Popular Man, and author of “Eleven Dating Mistakes Women Make (And How To Correct Them),” told me, “Rather than simply saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to guys who work up the courage to approach her, she can actually pursue men she finds attractive. The traditional method often leads women to wait around for a good man to ask them out while they fend off the aggressive creeps.”
7. Some guys are unsure
Jeremy Arnold, co-founder of Launch, a social dating app, tells me that a girl should absolutely ask out someone if she’s interested, because sometimes guys are often uncertain. “Every woman over 25 has a story about the adorable man who never asked. Well, we did ask. We wanted to know what chained their tongues. In most cases, it was uncertainty mixed with empathy. They didn't want to cause embarrassment or ruin what was by asking, unsure if their feelings would be reciprocated. While not the most harmful gender role, the idea that women should be passive in dating has likely prevented the most otherwise ideal relationships from forming. Truth is, a surprising number of dateable people simply aren't great at picking up on signals ... They need to be asked, or at least told they can ask. (Men are asked infrequently enough that most will feel genuinely flattered even if they're unavailable or uninterested.)”
8. Men love to be nurtured and supported
Audrey Hope, relationship expert, revealed to me that she’s been working with men on their love issues for many years, and thus she’s privy to their secrets. Unfortunately, women have it all wrong. They think that they know men, but they don't.
“Men love women who nurture and support them, and who show them that they care. Men remember and hold those women who take a stand to love and be with them, close to their hearts. It does not matter how many years pass, men can recall in detail the girls and women who have made them feel good about themselves.”
This is the best reason for women to ask men out on a date. Take a chance. “Be daring and so full of confidence and self-love that there are no games. You can proudly say to the guy, ‘You are so special and I would love to go out on a date with you.’”
9. It’s a turn-on
Hope continues, “A woman who loves herself enough to go for what she wants is a real turn-on to a man. He will melt and never forget what you did.”
A girl asking a guy out on a date is a fantastic way for women in general to finally live in full power and be in the driver’s seat. “She can be feminine and strong, and land the guy! A win-win for all ladies!”
10. Guys love to be asked out!
Some guys are shy and won’t make the first move. He will feel relief that someone else did the work for him and he probably will love that you did the asking! Justin Lavelle, online dating expert and Chief Communications Director of the PeopleLooker online background check platform, revealed to me that “Women with outgoing personalities need to put that skill to good use. It’s also a known fact that guys LOVE being asked out! Maybe you have been great friends for a long time and he’s afraid to take it to the next level. Take the next step to what could end up being a very successful relationship.”
If you want to have more control over your dating life, you’re likely to increase your chances of success in dating by taking an active part in the initial process. Lavelle continues, “Many guys love to see that a girl can take matters into her own hands. They love it even more when a girl doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about what others may think.”
11. It doesn’t mean you are responsible
Just because a woman makes the first move to ask someone out, that doesn’t mean she’s responsible for all of the decisions that need to be made, even for the date itself. Lavelle tells me, “Decide together where you’d like to go to dinner. Asking someone out on a date is a little scary. And, nobody likes rejection. Accept the fact that this may happen. More likely he’ll be so surprised by your confidence, he’ll say yes immediately! The truth of the matter is that it’s just a date. You’re not asking the guy to marry you. If anything you’re asking him to go get a cup of coffee. This is a great place to get to know someone and definitely takes the pressure off from a formal evening out.”
12. It works if you are of the personality type
Asking a guy out can work to your advantage, but it may be determined by your personality type. Scott Carroll, psychiatrist and the author of “Don't Settle: How to Marry the Man You Were Meant For,” told me that asking a guy out can set the whole tone of the relationship. Some guys will then expect the girl to take the lead and initiate almost everything in the relationship. That’s fine if he is shy but not okay if he’s just lazy or disinterested.
Carroll also offered up this excerpt from his book, which discusses the Masculine Leader classification, one of four possible classifications after you take the quiz within. If you’re this type of person, asking the guy is definitely a good fit, but only if it’s the right archetype you’re asking. “As a Masculine Leader, you are large and in charge and making it happen … until it comes to your relationships. You are comfortable approaching guys and taking them home, but the problem is that this only leads to a hookup or two and nothing that lasts. Your assertive masculine sexual energy creates plenty of sparks with masculine guys and the sex is amazing, but then they disappear on you … Don’t despair, though: You do have a complementary archetype that won’t run and actually wants to be with you called the Artist. Your Artist will be powerfully attracted to you, both emotionally and physically, but he won’t approach you.”
I found great insight in this book and definitely suggest you pick it up if you’ve been having difficulty finding the right guy.
Photo credit: Creative Commons