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2. Absence

It’s not lack of love, though even I have to admit my relationship with my Father was trussed with tension and remorse. It’s not even that I eschew public crying, although, to be honest, there is little I find more humiliating, even at appropriate and expected times. It’s more that, with people I don’t see daily, the evidence of their absence needs to fester for it to become real. I need to linger over the phone number absent-mindedly, go through a Christmas shopping list, before it becomes clear to me that they aren’t just living their own life while I live mine.

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2.  Absence

#absence #loss #tears

Once we got inside ...

... we made our way quickly to the front of the house, where people had already started to assemble in front of the stage, easily working our way up to the front row, as I had this totally short kid with me, and clearly that’s the only way he was going to see anything. We landed a spot directly in the center of the house, surrounded by teenage girls, in what would have certainly been a rowdy mosh pit has this been a different sort of show.

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I don’t know how to write about this without sounding like a proud parent creating one of those detailed holiday letters. I’m not sure how to convey the mix of emotions I felt bringing my kid into this uncertain environment where people get too drunk, and the smell of weed floats around from time to time (second time that night I was glad that he is short) and random hostilities can surface in a second … yet the thrill of sharing one of the all time best experiences modern life has to offer – seeing a rock band perform live, and feeling the pulse of the music move through your body … I’m pretty sure it was worth it.

Once we got inside ...

“It was making my chest vibrate and then it shocked my bladder.”

Good thing we went to the bathroom towards the end of the warm-up band’s set (a fine job by Hundred Waters). A mother knows when there’s no way you can ignore a request to go. It was a bit harrowing, making our way out of the crowd, which by that point had expanded to at least five times as deep as it was when we first arrived. Leaving out the side was tough, but not nearly as bad as trying to get back into the pack, past some surly drunk guys who mocked me when I said, “We’re just trying to get back to where we already were.” People get so cranky. Fortunately, we squeezed our way back to safe territory unscathed and put down roots until our band was ready to take the stage.

#altj #terminal5 #NYC #livemusic #nightlife #childhood #rockmusic #Britishinvasion #topaz #binders

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